The Void

Originally published April 4, 2018 “It is not easy to stay conscious during a painful and frightening process. We would rather turn away, drug ourselves, or feign indifference. It requires a delicate blend of curiosity, fortitude, and patience to trust in the wisdom and the purpose of pain.” ~ Elizabeth Lesser I would like to …

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Dating

So last month, I found myself single again. In a way, it sucks, because breakups always do. But this was my first relationship in a really long time. For years I avoided them, telling my family that I was just focused on school, or I was living somewhere temporarily so it just didn’t make sense.  …

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Today

There is this constant feeling of not fitting in. Of disassociation. It takes monumental effort to speak. To get me to come out of the corner I have been hiding in my whole life. Then after all the work to reach me I’m gone in a fraction of a second. Terrified of being noticed or exposed …

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How is there not a way to protect children from other children?

Five short weeks after my honeymoon, my then 6 year old made a disclosure that would change our entire forward trajectory. My stepson (9) had shared with him that he had been sodomized by my older stepson (13). Shortly following that disclosure, we found out that my son had also been sodomized by my 9 …

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My Middle Way

Warning: May contain triggers for survivors of childhood sexual abuse Today I sit constrictedMy waistband tied too tightUntil I sat down I had not noticed itDigging into the forgotten fleshJust below my belly buttonBut this timeI do not allow myself to fix itI decide instead to feel itAn irritation around my middleI hate thisI have always hated …

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You don’t have to do it alone

No matter how long ago or how recent an individual has experienced childhood sexual abuse, or the age when the abuse occurred, it is always possible to begin the healing process. The same is true for individuals who have experienced an isolated abuse event or a repeated pattern of maltreatment. No matter the situation, there are …

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CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE RELATED POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER

Survivors of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) are often at a higher risk of developing PTSD related to the trauma. PTSD stands for post-traumatic stress disorder, and is a mental health problem that occurs in individuals who have experienced significant trauma such as CSA. PTSD can occur to anyone who has experienced an event that has personally traumatized …

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