Stories: Getting Better Is My Main Focus

First abuse – I was barely 3 years old….a foster home with I don’t even remember how many boys. I was barely 20 and a mom of twins. One child was epileptic and both had learning issues. My family wasn’t as supportive as they could be, and I was pregnant again. Only there’s a slight change this time – I might not be sure of the father, only because I was no longer compliant for sexual exploitation anymore. So he would take the instant gratification and go.

I literally dreamed of her and knew all about her. Even before they could tell what sex! But what if she was his? Would I reject her? Would I love her? What if she’s not his? What if she’s my boyfriends? I picked a family who made all kinds of promises, but they cut me out . She was my boyfriend’s baby but I couldn’t tell everyone. I couldn’t find my voice. I couldn’t fight for myself as usual.

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Stories: A Buried Memory

I had buried the memory of the incident. It only came rushing back into my mind when someone sent a Facebook suggestion that I be his friend. My immediate visceral response was an unequivocal NO.

I reached out to a trusted friend – someone who I had gone through life coach training with and who I knew it was safe to be vulnerable with. I told her my story of when I was about 7 and said, “He molested me, or, well, he touched me inappropriately.” She kindly and firmly told me, “That is molestation.”

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Stories: Books Were My Escape

Warning: May contain triggers for survivors of childhood sexual abuse

It’s a fog, but I believe it started at 3yrs. I remember 3 distinct occasions where I was raped by the man who my mother had a relationship with. However, I believe that it happened regularly.

I didn’t understand at the time what was going on, but as I grew older I read and I understood what it was. Books were always my escape. At around 8, was when I knew what he was doing to me. I lived in constant fear, of men being alone with them. I was always anticipating the moment. Continue reading “Stories: Books Were My Escape”

Stories: It Never Crossed My Mind the ‘Aunt’ Would Lie…And Be Believed

Warning: May contain triggers for survivors of childhood sexual abuse

I was seven or so the first time I was left alone with my ‘aunt’. We lived across the street and the family was a big part of our lives. The parting nasty reminder to ‘mind your aunt !’ …. I took that seriously, because of the physical and verbal violence that ensued whenever we were ‘bad’. We were bad a lot!

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Stories: Here’s a Story About a Young Girl

Warning: May contain triggers for survivors of childhood sexual abuse

Here’s a story about a young girl
It’s traumatic and tragic
If you are easily triggered with child rape child abuse and domestic violence please don’t read any further
There was a little girl who lived with her mother and two siblings
The mom was an ok mom even though drugs and alcohol ran her life
One day when she was about 5 her mom came to the 3 kids and told them someone new was moving in
The kids especially the little girl was estatic at the prospect of a new daddy
In the beginning he was pretty awesome buying them stuff and taking them places

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Stories: A Fresh Start

Warning: May contain triggers for survivors of childhood sexual abuse

I was young, too young, to know what my two brothers were wanting me to do, like suck on my cousin’s penis and who knows who else…I blocked it out. Later in life, after my cousin lived elsewhere, my aunt/uncle lived in the house that this took place in. I babysat their kids and now know why I never wanted to stay overnight; my uncle would drive me back into town.

There were more instances of sexual abuse although more subtle, like my oldest brother putting his hands in my crotch to show me how to hike a ball. It’s like I can still feel his hands pressed against my crotch. Physical abuse went along with all of this.

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Stories: I thought fighting to stay alive was normal

Warning: May contain triggers for survivors of childhood sexual abuse

When I got in my teens, I had these weird flash backs, of someone on top of me, I couldn’t breath. I saw myself floating above me. I thought I was dreaming, I heard my mom, call my dad’s name, I looked over towards her, then my dad yelled go back to bed, I then realized the horror, my dad was on top of me, I felt the pain, I was back in my body, I was told keep my mouth shut and don’t tell anyone or I’d get an a** whipping.

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