Stories: I was counting on her

This is my story. Today I am 31. Up until the abuse started I had a great relationship with my parents. I was attached to my mom. I was called a daddy’s girl, I have 1 brother which is 3 years older than me. We lived in small country towns. Which was how my whole family lived.ย I feel that my brother was never really there for me which I could of used, specialy since he had too been sexualy assaulted, but doesn’t talk about it. Very sad story there. Now theis days we are distant to each other.

I felt so little and felt like crawling into a hole in the ground and never coming out.

The pain of my sexual abuse is horrifying and intense. I know the abuse went on for 2 years at least, (not sure exactly what my age was when it all started) Mid 90s I know. My abusers were males first cousins to me, they were brothers. They are in my Mothers side. All my aunt’s and uncles was suspicious of how the boys were, heard stories from their own kids. A year into “it” I had talked to my close friends about getting touched in my privates. They were twin sisters almost two years older than me, which were first cousins to my abusers on there dads side. They got mad at me and started a fight over it and told me that its not nice to make up lies… I felt so little and felt like crawling into a hole in the ground and never coming out. So at this time they are the only people I came out and told until I got a little older.

My early teens is when I told my mom

My early teens is when I came out and told my mom not Dad. It was a very big deal for me for my mom to take the right steps to help me, I was counting on her. We had a girls night out and I broke down in her car outside of pizza Hut and was sure she was going to help. My parents and my abusers parents were planing a vacation for the families I wanted to let my mom know that I didn’t feel comfortable going with the two boys.That’s how I came out to my mom.

I wish I really knew if she understood

Vacation was coming up and my Mom for some dumb reason which to me didn’t seem like all that great of idea, gave me a two sentence not a dress to them and signed by her telling them to leave me alone and let me enjoy my vacation. To this day I wish I really knew if she understood what I was telling her like it wasn’t a bullying making fun of kind of thing. Which I did get bullied in school by classmates so maybe she thought that’s what I was talking about. My Dad was never aware of any of this story and I still don’t believe he knows.
My parents split up the day after I turned 21 and divorced later on. Both remarried.

My pain and stuggkea are very real and it caused me a big chunk of my life as I never payed attention in school and feel that never got the education I needed. The School was small and graduated in 2005, but I wish I wouldn’t of. I was put into special education classes when I was in 3rd grade but i still had attention problems. The teachers werent all that up on teaching very good or even caring. The school consolidation in 2009.

I now have a family of my own with two kids. I have a boyfriend I’ve been with for 13 years.

What I want others to know or understand

PARENTS listen to your kids well and ask questions if needed PLEASE and THANK YOU๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’“

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