Stories

Stories: Killing the Pain
My grandmother told me once, “I just don’t understand why you are so hell bent on destroying yourself.” I wasn’t either. I didn’t know why I would drink myself to oblivion, keep company with every abusive asshole that ever entered my path, ran around on empty, punishing myself. I thought I hated myself. I thought I hated myself but I didn’t know why I did. There was something in me that I was trying so hard to destroy and from the outside looking in, it did look like I was trying to destroy myself.Read More
Getting better is my main focus
First abuse – I was barely 3 years old….a foster home with I don’t even remember how many boys. I was barely 20 and a mom of twins. One child was epileptic and both had learning issues. My family wasn’t as supportive as they could be, and I was pregnant again. Only there’s a slight change this time – I might not be sure of the father, only because I was no longer compliant for sexual exploitation anymore. So he would take the instant gratification and go. I literally dreamed of her and knew all about her. Even before they…Read More
A Buried Memory
I had buried the memory of the incident. It only came rushing back into my mind when someone sent a Facebook suggestion that I be his friend. My immediate visceral response was an unequivocal NO. I reached out to a trusted friend – someone who I had gone through life coach training with and who I knew it was safe to be vulnerable with. I told her my story of when I was about 7 and said, “He molested me, or, well, he touched me inappropriately.” She kindly and firmly told me, “That is molestation.” I’m glad she brought my…Read More
Books were my escape
Warning: May contain triggers for survivors of childhood sexual abuse It’s a fog, but I believe it started at 3yrs. I remember 3 distinct occasions where I was raped by the man who my mother had a relationship with. However, I believe that it happened regularly. I didn’t understand at the time what was going on, but as I grew older I read and I understood what it was. Books were always my escape. At around 8, was when I knew what he was doing to me. I lived in constant fear, of men being alone with them. I was…Read More
I was counting on her
This is my story. Today I am 31. Up until the abuse started I had a great relationship with my parents. I was attached to my mom. I was called a daddy’s girl, I have 1 brother which is 3 years older than me. We lived in small country towns. Which was how my whole family lived. I feel that my brother was never really there for me which I could of used, specialy since he had too been sexualy assaulted, but doesn’t talk about it. Very sad story there. Now theis days we are distant to each other. I felt…Read More
Killing the Pain
My grandmother told me once, “I just don’t understand why you are so hell bent on destroying yourself.” I wasn’t either. I didn’t know why I would drink myself to oblivion, keep company with every abusive asshole that ever entered my path, ran around on empty, punishing myself. I thought I hated myself. I thought I hated myself but I didn’t know why I did. There was something in me that I was trying so hard to destroy and from the outside looking in, it did look like I was trying to destroy myself. The voice that told me I…Read More
Stories: I thought fighting to stay alive was normal
Warning: May contain triggers for survivors of childhood sexual abuse When I got in my teens, I had these weird flash backs, of someone on top of me, I couldn't breath. I saw myself floating above me. I thought I was dreaming, I heard my mom, call my dad's name, I looked over towards her, then my dad yelled go back to bed, I then realized the horror, my dad was on top of me, I felt the pain, I was back in my body, I was told keep my mouth shut and don't tell anyone or I'd get an…Read More
Triggers
After reading the stories of others I get triggers that bring memories of certain traumatic experiences. When I was in High School, a guy I had met came to my house one night. My mother was not home. I never imagined what was about to happen. I let him in the door he backed me into my bedroom. He was a pretty big guy that had played football in school. He got on top on me and raped me. I fought and cried as I fell between the bed and the wall. The next morning I went to school with…Read More
Stories: Getting Better Is My Main Focus
First abuse - I was barely 3 years old….a foster home with I don't even remember how many boys. I was barely 20 and a mom of twins. One child was epileptic and both had learning issues. My family wasn't as supportive as they could be, and I was pregnant again. Only there's a slight change this time - I might not be sure of the father, only because I was no longer compliant for sexual exploitation anymore. So he would take the instant gratification and go. I literally dreamed of her and knew all about her. Even before they…Read More
Stories: A Buried Memory
I had buried the memory of the incident. It only came rushing back into my mind when someone sent a Facebook suggestion that I be his friend. My immediate visceral response was an unequivocal NO. I reached out to a trusted friend – someone who I had gone through life coach training with and who I knew it was safe to be vulnerable with. I told her my story of when I was about 7 and said, “He molested me, or, well, he touched me inappropriately.” She kindly and firmly told me, “That is molestation.”Read More

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